Welcome Back! For the convenience of the readers this article has been divided into two parts. In the first part of the article I’ve vividly discussed the benefits that were received by multiple people after quitting social media. If you haven’t checked it out, please do. (Benefits of quitting Social media.) In this one, I’m just going to continue from where I left.
4. Retained Focus.
Cal Newport, the author of the book Deep Work, mentions about the quality of our focus, which is degrading with each passing day. Our focus and attention is now more fragmented than ever, which is inappropriate for the tasks that require deep concentration to get accomplished.
Has it ever happened to you that you’re somewhere engrossed with your thoughts and suddenly you start feeling the urge to use your mobile ? Or maybe you are sitting in a movie theatre and as soon as a boring scene pops up, your hand automatically starts reaching for your phone ? Similarly, have you observed that your learning and memory power have gradually decreased in the past few years. You may think that this is because of your age and busy lifestyle, but in reality it is because of your mobile habits.
A study was conducted, which highlighted the relation between the response and reward neurological systems that exist in our brains. A rat was placed in cage which had pre-installed levers inside it. As soon as the lever was pushed, food came out for the rat to eat. Researchers connected electrodes to the Rat’s brain, so as to see how it’s brain responds to this activity. At first, it took some time for the rat to learn how to use the lever, but when it observed that with each push it is receiving an reward, i.e food, he started it doing it repeatitively. Meanwhile, it’s brain kept lighting up with constants hits of dopamine (the pleasure causing chemicals in our body). After some time, the researchers stopped feeding him with the food. However, this did not stop the rat from pushing the lever, and on top of that it’s dopamine originating areas of brain kept lighting up several hours even after the completion of the experiment.
We human being carry a similar lever with us all the time. You guessed it right ! Our smartphones are like the lever, and on the other hand we are the rats. We push that lever again and again just to receive some little treats of amusement and consume high amounts of dopamine. Each time we pull out our phone to check a message, the dopamine originating areas of our brain start lighting, however, if there is no message or notifications on our phone our brain starts to seek those little bites of dopamine and consequently we end up browsing social media. With each scroll on our Instagram or Facebook account we receive these small treats of intermittent gratification, which resultantly tends to not only decrease our focus and attention span but also our critical thinking abilities, since unconsciously we trained our brain to seek out for these little treats of joy, every few seconds. Now, when you quit using social media, the cycle is somewhat broken, and after some time your brain starts to regain it’s original form.
5. Goodbye Negativity
I don’t think anyone reading this would be oblivious to the negativity and toxicity that social media spreads. However, things start to become absolutely unbearable when this negativity starts to interfere in our personal lives.
Now some people may wonder that despite the availability of such immense amount of resources, why do human beings still suffer from the mental sicknesses. Well the answer is simple. Back in the 90s when there was no such thing as social media, people did not compare themselves to anyone, and even if they did, it was not much impactful, however, with the arrival of social media in our lives, we literally compare ourselves all the time. Sometimes the object of comparison is our “Body” and the other times it is our “Financial status”. Though the list for the objects of comparison is infinite, these two are the most commonly compared things.
As a result of this comparison, huge negativity breeds in our brain, which also starts to interfere in other spheres of our life. It not only hampers our brain’s health but also harms our sleep cycle. Eventually, all these things team up to cause irritation and frustrations amongst people. No wonder why people in the 21st century are much more desperate for attention and support than they were a few decades ago.
Quitting social media may not solve all your problems, but you certainly won’t be comparing yourself with everyone all the time, which eventually, may help your brain to soothe down and think about the existing problems rather than finding new ones.
6. Unleashes our true potential.
So, I joined Facebook in the June of 2011, and I used it everyday till the June of 2020, spending a minimum of one hour and a maximum of three hours per day. So technically I may have spent around 1000+ hours on social media. Let’s take 1200 hours for safety. 1200 hours of checking out, liking, and commenting on other people’s activities and achievements. 1200 hours of mindless scrolling like a robot. And then to add the cherry on top, I joined Instagram and Twitter in 2016, as if I was not doing bad enough.
Just imagine, what all things I could have learned, achieved, and accomplish in those 1200 hours. I wouldn’t be remorseful, if I had spent that time in watching movies, because with movies at least you come out with a message and sometimes apply them in your life.
I don’t know how many conversations I may have made with people around and how many books I may have read, if I had not spent my precious time on social media.
Now I understand that many of you might be thinking that even if I had no social media, my life certainly wouldn’t look like La La Land. True! But one thing that I can say for sure is that the trajectory of my life would certainly be a lot different from what it is today.
Now, ever since I stopped using the social media platforms, I’ve got loads of time and potential to spend somewhere else. And so now when I compare myself with my past self, I certainly have seen a lots of improvement. I have started reading books on self improvement, I have achieved better communication skills, and furthermore, the best thing is that now I have high hopes for my future. As far as my potential is concerned, I surely have found a lot of things about my brain’s capability and got some really great results out of it.
So, I want you all to ask the same question to yourself : How many hours have I spent on social media till now, and what all things I could have achieved if had spent it wisely ?
One day back in 2018, when I was scrolling through my Facebook account I remember watching an image on my timeline, a mile long queue of people in the 1970s, standing and waiting for their chance to get the tickets to the new “Star Wars” movie. I don’t know why but I felt nice to see their excited faces of anticipation.
In 2018 a movie with a similar buzz and excitement was about to get released ( It was Avengers : Infinity War, btw) and a few days before the release of the movie, the tickets were about to go online. My friend and I took the responsibility to book the tickets for the rest of our squad. On the day of ticket booking, I remember being extremely impatient and annoyed, since the tickets were out, yet we were unable to enter into the third party ticket booking website, because of the heavy traffic. Finally, after a few minutes (which seemed like hours) we were able to accomplish our task. However, that was the first time I saw myself being so exasperated and irritated just for some movie tickets.
Even after the completion of our task I could still feel adrenaline gushing through my veins. I looked up on the Internet, and found that the reason for my impatience might be because of my lack of “Attention Span”. Now, the causes of a low attention span could be many but one of the most prominent one is the excessive use of social media.
At that time, I was an active user of social media, spending around 2-3 hours of my day scrolling through the Facebook timeline and consequently inviting loads of negativity. However, that must be my first ever realization regarding the harmful impacts of social media
Various studies suggest that back in the 70s and 80s people were much more patient than they are today.
Fast forward to 2020, today I barely use any social media platform for entertaining myself, and it has completely changed my life. I looked up on the Internet and there are many other people who did the same thing and found a drastic change in their lives as well.
Though, observations may vary from person to person, there were some very similar ones, and in this article I’ve tried to compress them in a few simple points.
1. Abundance of “Time”
What if I give you a sum of $86400 for a day, and ask you to spend it wisely ? The only condition is that you can’t save this money, since on the next day you will receive the same amount of money again.
Sounds insane isn’t it ? Well, as a matter of fact we do have something very similar to $86400, however, we never realize it’s presence. It’s our precious “Time”. Everyday we receive 86400 seconds to spend on ourselves. In the 21st almost every human being has the right to spend his time according to his own will, yet we see people complain about not being able to accomplish their tasks due to the lack of time.
I remember being amongst those people, who always nagged about not getting the desired results since not enough time was provided. However, with the passage of time it was not difficult for me to understand the fact that a man himself is responsible for his failures and successes.
Now there is something known as the “Flow State“. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, was the first person to coin this term in his book “Finding Flow: The Psychology Of Engagement With Everyday Life”. In Csikszentmihalyi’s words, flow is “a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it”.
So basically, when we are too engrossed in doing something such that we don’t even realize that a good amount of time has passed we actually tend to achieve the “Flow State”. Technically, this term is mostly used in positive psychology and it’s association with social media might not be it’s most appropriate usage, however, it certainly fulfills all the requisites of being a “Flow” work.
Think about it, when was last time you just picked up your phone to check a message on WhatsApp, and then a few hours later found yourself scrolling through your Instagram timeline ? Did it ever happen, that you opened YouTube to study a subject and half an hour later found yourself watching a cat video ? Now, ever since I quit social media I found myself having abundance of time just for myself, and because of that I found more time to study, work and interact with some three-dimensional people.
So much could be done, if we just somehow know how to spend our time wisely. Time is precious, so don’t waste living someone else’s life.
2. Increased Productivity and Creativity.
As a matter of fact, our willpower is in a limited quantity on any one particular day. Let us assume that we have around 100 units of will power available at our disposal. Now, as a matter of fact, our will power keeps on decreasing as the day proceeds, and by the end of the day it becomes almost nil.
Now you might be wondering, how all of this has any association with our productivity and creativity ? Well, allow me to explain. There are two types of activities, ones that involve high will power and the others that require low will power. These high and low will power actions, may vary from person to person and from time to time.
For example- playing video games is a low will power task while studying for two hours straight is something that requires an enormous storage of our brain’s potential. However, this may not be true for everyone. Reading a 300 page book may require an abundance of will power for a teenager in the 21st century and at the same time playing a hard video game might be a Herculean Task for sixty year old. In simple words, if it is a difficult job it requires more mental strength and if is easy it requires less. For some people doing Mathematics is like a child’s play while for other it may be a nightmare.
But, what if, just like time, we could spend our will power wisely on certain things such that we get maximum amount in exchange for minimum will power ?
Social media sucks a huge amount of our will power. Though it may not seem as such, but apparently we give up a tremendous amount of our energy on liking and commenting on other people’s achievements. Some people also spend those crucial willpower units in watching the cat video on YouTube.
Now, if we use the same units of our brain in accomplishing our daily tasks, let’s assume making up our bed, or completing our pending office work, we may receive a sense of motivation which will push us to accomplish more such things. Furthermore, since our brain is not occupied with unnecessary noise of social media, it gets enough space to expand it’s potential and think of some creative things to do. Famous people like Leonardo Da Vinci, Beethoven, Pablo Picasso etc. used their brain’s capability to achieve creativity in their respective fields, however, in today’s world of social media, our brain doesn’t get enough space to brew new ideas and creativity. In addition to all those things, people found themselves to be more productive than they were before.
3. Quality over Quantity
Let’s talk about people. We are human beings and we spend most of our time with the individuals of our own species. Our day starts with one and ends with another. Moreover, even our thoughts are mostly comprised of this specie. We have been gifted by the nature to think, express, and love each other. So, after knowing all that, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to say that, the reason we thrive in the society is because we have got each other’s back. This is something which was ingrained within our brain since the inception of humanity on this planet, until the arrival of the 21st century.
According to a study conducted at San Diego State University, colleagues found that, as a cohort, high school seniors heading to college in 2016 spent an “ hour less a day engaging in in-person social interaction” — such as going to parties, movies, or riding in cars together — compared with high school seniors in the late 1980s.
Honestly, that is not surprising at all. Social media surely has eradicated many barriers that existed in the society. Today, the information spreads faster than the wild fire. On top of that, in 2020s there is literally no barrier of media communication in our society. We can reach out to our friends , family, and colleagues any day any time, and moreover we have excess availability of the Internet. But amongst all this, the real question that arises is, whether all these accessibilities and conveniences actually health for us ?
Imagine, after a long work week you’re relaxing and chilling in your house, but after every one hour people start knocking at your door, for various purposes. Well something similar to that now actually happens in our society. Since people can reach out to us anytime, they do it all the time through the medium of social media, and if you do not interest them with a proper response, it would be considered something against the social conventions of the society. With the passage of time the rules of the society have also been altered, and because of that more people prefer having a chat on social media, rather than actually meeting you in the person. Now people work according to their own flexibility and tend to pull us in doing the same.
But as a matter of fact, when we meet people in person, we tend to understand them more, than we do while chatting on a social media platform since we read their face and body language and truly empathize with their emotions. This helps us in inviting genuine and faithful people in our lives, which is much greater as compared to those innumerable Facebook friend who are literally good for nothing. They may give you likes and hearts on your uploads, but I highly doubt they would provide you with the support and encouragement you need in your life to achieve and accomplish the best out of your potential.
As far as my belief goes, social media is not the main villain in our stories. Instead, it’s more like an accomplice or a guy who helps the main villain in executing his/her plans. It’s like a medium for them to showcase their villainy and harm us in the best possible way. These villains are no other than the people who already exist in our lives, and who without our consent, affect our lives, sometimes in a good way and mostly in the bad ways.
In my previous articles, “How social media is ruining our lives ?” and “How to use social media in a non-toxic way?”, I’ve discussed in length about the impact these people have in our lives, and how we inadvertently become prey to their hunt for approval and validation. Though the list is inexhaustible, I have still tried to give an angle to the things in the simplest possible way.
Now scores of people believe, that the best way to gain control of our lives is by completely quitting social media. Only then we can actually start to attain the balance we have always aspired to accomplish.
This is true in fact. Using social media in a limited and a controlled manner is no less than a Herculean Task. It requires more mental strength than quitting it all over.
So if you’re amongst those people who wish to completely quit social media and want to regain the steering of your life, here are few tips which might come in handy.
1. Don’t go Cold Turkey
This is one of classic mistakes that people do when trying to quit a bad habit. Going cold turkey means quitting on something right way, without giving any time to adjust with this newness in our lives. When you quit social media right away, you’re basically embarking on a very difficult journey, which has a 90 percent chance of failure. Though it sometimes work for a handful of people, still for most of us there is a high chance of relapse.
Now there is a simple maths that works here. As already explained, with the use of social media, we have fed our brain with loads of dopamine (pleasure causing chemical) and since your brain is not flexible enough in accustoming this change in your life immediately, it is going to replace those dopamine hormones with cortisol (stress causing hormones), which most of the people couldn’t bear and eventually will resort to social media again.
It is quite similar to smoking. When people try to quit smoking, they go Cold Turkey without any plan of action and scheme to execute it properly. As a result, a little disturbance occurs in their life, and they automatically gravitate towards their weaknesses.
Now, what should you be doing in order to prevent yourself from relapsing. First, your plan of action should include easy and achievable steps. For example, you should not try to quit social media in one day. Try to understand that is going to take some time. Instead, take tiny steps. As a beginner who wishes to stop using social media, start using it only on alternate days, and on the weekends use it either on Sundays or Saturdays. Next, after one week of alternate usage, you should start using it on a gap of two days.
Now, as the gap will increase, your urge to use social media will gradually decrease (and your dopamine levels as well). Also, you can have your own scheme of things. If you stick to your plan, in no time you will stop feeling the impulse to grab your phone and log into your accounts.
2. Change your lifestyle
Now we need to understand that with the passage of time, social media has a became an integral part of our lives. For some people, it is even more important than eating, drinking and sleeping. The first thing that most of us do when we wake up is, check our phones for notifications and messages and in many cases that is the last thing we do as well. We harm our sleep schedule just to get an update of some else’s life stories and achievements. Further, we take more interest in other’s life than in ours (or maybe we deliberately do so to escape our own realities).
Now when something is that integral in our lives, it becomes even more difficult for us to quit it and accept our life without it, since without it our life seems pointless. However, that is not true. Back in the 80s and 90s people lived a good life and even better than we live today. The rate of depression and anxiety has surged in the past few decades, despite the presence of a tool called social media.
So what can we do about it, such that we eliminate social media from our lives and still live without any regrets ?
For starters, we need to replace our bad habit with multiple good habits. What I mean to say is that, one bad habit is equivalent to two or three good ones. In our case of social media it is “three”. We need to distract ourselves from such habits in a healthy way such that our new habits don’t become a concern for us. Now I’m not going to ask you to resort to “playing video games”. That would be like jumping from one bad habit to other. But, you certainly can perform other activities like reading books, gardening, improving your skills, etc.
Secondly, I understand that social media has given us authority to invade into other people’s anywhere, at any time and on any day. However, this accessibility has made us vulnerable and ignorant, since now we are more exposed than we ever were, and we don’t even realize this fact. So, now if we really want to grab the control of our lives, we need to focus more on ours and less in other’s.
Last but not the least, focus on your health, both mental and physical. Go out in the natural environment, get some sunlight and fresh air. Now you might be wondering, how all of this is going to help you in quitting social media. Well, all these things work as a catalyst in accomplishing your tasks. When you go our and see other people, it somehow distracts you from feeling bored and on top of that it also helps in calming down the running horses in our notorious brain.
Here’s a recommendation, start reading books on self improvement. They will not only teach you a lot about the psychology of human beings but will also be a life changer for you.
3. Allow yourself to get bored.
Perhaps one of the main reasons why we are so much involved into social media, is because we don’t have anything else to do. Our lives are not as interesting as others, and the only way to break this cycle of boredom is by getting a hit of dopamine every now and then. Most of us have this apprehension that if we keep our brain idle, it will end up bringing the bad memories and that’s why they tend to keep themselves busy.
However, that’s what our brain tells us. The truth in fact is a bit different. When we allow our brain to wander around, it instead tries to find the solution of our existing problems and brings up the ideas to tackle the problems that may arrive in the future. Our fears of the past is our brain’s way of telling us to be aware of such situations in the future. In addition to that, boredom is usually misinterpreted as a problem. The fact is that, boredom is our brain’s indication or a way of telling that things are getting back on the track, that is, it is regaining it’s focus and attention.
There is a distraction machine installed somewhere deep within the subconscious of our brain. Distraction is usually considered the main problem for our loss of focus. However, it is not the main antagonist of our story. It is a mere symptom of a deep rooted issue, overstimulation.
The reason why we reach out for our phone all the time, the reason why we get an attack of anxiety whenever we don’t feel the phone in our pockets, the reason why many of our friends and family members cannot even imagine their lives without social media, and the reason why your life isn’t under your control is overstimulation.
The cause of this problem is our high dopamine consumption. On top of that, it not only produces distraction but is also responsible for other complication such as anger, frustration, and dissatisfaction. In Layman’s terms, our brain, with time, have become extremely sensitive. They are so sensitive, that it could not bear anything that goes against it’s will. As a result, many of us feel as if we are in a conflict with our two personalities, one who wants to get a better life and the one who doesn’t want to.
Now we need to understand that, boredom is basically our brain’s ability to cure all those conflict wounds but in order to help it execute it properly, you need to give your brain some time to stretch it’s arms and retain that phase of control and authority.
As an old adage says “time heals all wounds”. The exact reason why it is said so is because with time, the dopamine bar gradually starts lowering, and our daily requirements of pleasure and excitement start lessening.
4. Take a break from all your electronic devices (phones, tablets, laptops)
Now the reason why the 21st century is full of digital zombies is because the excess availability and access of Internet has made it an undeniable and an inevitable part of our lives. It’s like an adopted child, whom you can’t give up, since that would be something against the law. Life seems pointless to us in the absence of these electronic devices. Without our phones, it seems like we are living a life of a hermit. We have become so familiar with the sound and touch of our phones and laptops, that not having them around starts brewing a virtual pain in our head.
To be honest, that is not a surprising thing to see, since we have so deeply attached our hearts, minds and souls to these small tools. The excessive pleasure these electronic devices provide us is inimitable. Our affinity towards our phones make us more inclined towards using social media. The utilities of our mobile phones have now changed from just calling and texting to literally everything human mind can come up with. Now we can play games, listen to the music, click photographs, scroll social media and what not. In addition to that, it also comes in use for our professional purposes, for example, writing a report, sending emails, sending invitations, etc.
When something is useful to that extent, why would anyone like to run away from it ? Though, it may seem that our phone ( Laptop, tablets) might be the best creation of mankind, it actually isn’t. The list of detriments relating to a mobile phones are innumerable and that is a concern for another time. However, these electronic devices are the mediums that guide us to the deceptive world of social media. If we somehow stop them from doing so, there is a chance that we can quit social media too.
So how do we stop ourselves from the excessive usage of mobile phones ? According to Mr. James Clear, the author of the book Atomic Habits, there are two foolproof methods of doing it.
First, keep it out of your sight. When we see something, our brain sends a response to it. For example, when you see the red traffic light, your brain signals you to STOP! Similarly, when we see the green light, our brain signals us to GO! This is called the cue inducing effect. The nerves in your eyes send a signal to your brain and brain sends a response to it. So, basically when there is a mobile kept right in front of your eyes, your brain sends you a signal to pick it up and start using it, since it sees no harm in doing so. By keeping your phones in a different room or hidden somewhere, the entire cue inducing process may not occur and there is a chance that you may not feel compelled to use your phones until it is really necessary.
Secondly, keep it out of your reach. Basically, when you make things easier for yourself, you tend to motivate your brain, to do it repeatedly. On the other hand, when you make things difficult for yourself, your brain will refrain from producing the motivation required to do it. This fact can be used to break our bad habits and build good ones. Suppose, you wish to start reading more books, then by keeping a particular book near yourself or within your arms reach, there is a higher chance that you will be reading that book. However, if your book is kept somewhere inside a cupboard, within an isolated room, where you don’t spend much of your time, there is a high probability that you won’t read that book ever, since you actually have to make an extra effort in order to get your task done.
However, the same technique can he very smartly used to break a bad habit. In our case, our bad habit is our excessive usage of mobile phones. We can hide our phones and laptops in an isolated room or somewhere we know that we won’t reach at it easily. For example, if you live on the second floor, you can keep your electronic devices on the ground floor such that the next time you feel the urge to use it, you will have to make an extra effort to make it possible.
5. Spend more time with three-dimensional people.
This is like a cherry on top of a cake or perhaps a bonus tip, which is extremely useful, when it comes to quitting social media. When we spend more time with people and talk to them in real life rather than on any digital platform, it builds within us a sense of empathy and proximity to that person’s emotions and feelings. Think about it. When we are talking to someone face to face we actually read their hand movements, their leg movements, the expression on their face, and the body language they are projecting while conversing with us. All these things contribute in making us a better conversationalist and by extension a better human being.
When we talk to people, listen to their problems, and give them solutions, it leaves a big impact on their lives, because in the 21st century, deep conversations are rare and valuable. On social media we receive tons of approval, but that is incomparable to the the approval we receive when we meet people in person.
The former is called the “Approval of Quantity” and the latter is called “Approval of Quality”. Now obviously, the human desires are mostly inclined towards the former, since that kind of approval not only gives us joy but also gives us a place in the society. However, what we fail to see is that the “Approval of Quality” leaves a bigger impact on the other person’s life. It may not make your life better, but it certainly does for the other person. “Approval of Quality” is like a service we offer others with no expectations of receiving anything in return.
You are no longer going to feel the urge to use social media once you become a source of happiness for others, since wherever you go people will be approve you for your mere presence and believe me the happiness which comes after that is one of the best in the world.
Social media is a superpower. It has the potential to change the lives of thousands of people in just a few seconds. Furthermore, it possesses the ability to make people aware of the happenings and mishappenings around them in a snap of a finger, and the most important of all, it is free of cost.
It distributes equal power to each individual to express his or her views any day, any time, towards anything. Remember, in our childhoods when we were asked to write an essay on the topic “If I were the President of my country for a day” ? But, as an adult, the real question we should ask ourselves, is “whether we DESERVE to be the President of our country, even for a day? “. As adults we realize that being a President of a nation is not a child’s play. It requires a profound experience in dealing with millions of people and satisfying their needs, as and when required. Notwithstanding the fact, that at the same time a President has to deal with loads of criticism for his actions.
Social media gives such virtual power to each of it’s users, regardless of their worth and capability. Now, this gives authority to even those undeserving people, who literally have no experience in a particular field, to criticize and condemn others for their actions. This eventually results in the “Brainwash” of literally thousands of people and creates polarization in the society, consequently, dividing people into various groups.
So now the question arises that, can we protect ourselves from such “Brainwashing” circumstances, and still use social media? The answer is Yes, but to do so one certainly will have to audit their social media diet in order to attain the best out of such mighty, mind-altering platform.
Let’s find out how.
1. Unfollow toxic brands/ people.
People just love to fake it. What I mean, is that they are showing you just a fraction of their lives which is shiny and attractive. It gives them a sense of virtual dominance over others, and to add the cherry on top, the likes and comments give them excessive approval, which is motivating enough to make them repeat their actions again and again. In addition to that, it gives them a golden opportunity to escape the harsh realities of existence and the responsibilities that it entails. Also, even if what they show to us is true, doesn’t mean that they got lucky and received all these pleasures in a day. Maybe, they worked really hard to achieve whatever they posses today. The reality can be of infinite possibilities. However, these people can be toxic for us in multiple ways. They can make us feel unwanted and unappreciated. They can give us a feeling of being an underachiever. Furthermore, they make us jealous and insecure of our surroundings.
We can’t control their actions, but we certainly can control ours, and the best way to do that is to completely remove these people from our social media lives as soon as possible. These people may be inspiring for others, but they surely are toxic for us. You cannot thrive in a poisonous environment. If you’re bitten by a snake, you don’t wait for the venom to neutralize itself in the blood, instead you rush to the hospital to deal with it. And, that’s exactly what we have to do here. We cannot wait for our feelings, which we get from these people, to neutralize themselves on their own. We definitely need to take actions in order to deal with it.
Now, I can understand, that is easier said than done, notwithstanding the fact, that social media platforms are specifically designed to compel you to spend more time on them. Thankfully, there are plenty of people who were once addicted to Facebook, Instagram, etc, and are now using it in an extremely healthy way. Their secret ? Well, remember back in our childhoods, when there was a particular time designated to each of our activities. For example – sleeping time, playing time, study time.
These things made our life slightly easier and interesting. Though we never liked such restrictions, however, in the long run, they made us a better person. We can apply a similar concept in our adult life as well. We can fix a certain time to use social media such that we don’t feel the addiction and at the same time use it to satisfy our daily need of internet usage. We can assign a particular time, let’s say 7:00-7:15, for using Facebook and let our mobile phones and laptops relax for the remaining time. Also, we can do this several times a day, as long as we don’t feel completely overwhelmed by it. In addition to that, you can keep all your electronic devices and equipment in a different room such that you don’t feel the urge to grab it for using social media. Furthermore, turn off your Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram’s notifications, so you’re not constantly reminded of it everywhere you go.
I will be discussing more about relieving oneself from the mobile/social media addiction in the next blog.
3. STOP comparing yourself.
With the advent of social media, the word “comparison” is now more easily used and felt, than it ever was. Technically, comparison is a basic human character. It actually somewhat motivates us to make ourselves better than a particular thing or a person. Had it not been for comparison, we would still be planning to put a “man on moon”. So, the word comparison is not bad in itself. However, in the 21st century, it is one of the sources of negativity in the human minds. Actually, health comparison is alright. As long as it is not breeding jealousy and malice in a person, there is practically no harm. Things start to get down the road when this feeling of comparison starts rottening our brain.
In the words of Shakespeare, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players”. We need to understand, that excessive comparison not only stunts the growth of our character but also breeds tons of negativity in the human heart. The fact is that, no matter wherever you go, there will be someone who is better than you. There are seven billion people in the world, and the chances of being the best in the world is literally one in seven billion. Now I’m not asking you to ultimately quit all your hard work and get settled with whatever you have, but at least don’t compare your hard work with someone else’s “Good Luck”. People in 80s and the 90s also used to compare themselves with each other, however, the difference today is that, the frequency of comparison has drastically increased in the past two decades with the arrival of social media. Now we compare our lives all the time, and that too with multiple people. The human mind is a never settling one, and only we can control it. Remember, your brain is not your friend. It is like a wild animal, which cannot be tamed but can certainly be trained.
4. Be a source of positivity for other.
It’s not about us everytime. Sometimes if we want to gain good things, we first have to offer something equally satisfying. As already mentioned, social media is a very powerful tool. It’s like a superpower, and it’s users are the possessors. So, it is in our hands as to how we put such a mighty thing in use. We can either use it to intoxicate the mind and soul of other human beings or we can use it to fulfill the basic purpose of humanity, that is, to serve and uplift others and attain peace through it.
For example, we can post some inspirational quotes and images which will motivate others to pick themselves up. Furthermore, we can upload images of some kind of social work which will definitely encourage others to do the same. In addition to that, we can share our success and failure stories with our friends and family, such that no one feels left out and lost in their life. All these activities would certainly induce some kind of positivity and inspiration in other’s lives. Also, we must refrain from sending toxic thoughts and messages to others. Just because we can do something, doesn’t necessarily mean that we should. We never realize that even the smallest of our actions can have a huge impact on someone.
I believe that in the 21st century, we all are knowledgeable enough to know about the good and the bad impact we can have on people. If we model good behavior, we will not only my make someone else’s life blissful but will also receive the love of people, which is the ultimate goal of mankind.
With the arrival of social media, humanity has embarked on a completely different trajectory than it did a few decades ago. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are some of the platforms where we have a freedom to share our best memories with our friends and families. Moreover, to add the cherry on top, now we have an access to unbounded information of people and things all around the world. It certainly has made us more connected with people and our surroundings, and that too free of cost !
But, the question arises, whether the proximity and availability of such level is actually healthy for humans or not ?
“If it’s free, you’re probably the product”. This statement may have raised eyebrows of some social media lovers. And, honestly this is the the most common reaction anyone could receive, if they ask people to quit social media. However, the fact of the matter is that each social media user is a product in the hands of these big billionaire companies, who are altering the behavior of thousands of individuals using a few simple psychological techniques.
Now, I’m not here to persuade or trick anyone into quitting social media. But, I definitely feel obligated to unravel the other sides of social media to which many of us may not have been exposed.
1. The Fake Glamour
Bailey Parnell in her famous Ted Talk, discusses the impact of “Highlight reel” or fake glamour of social media on our mental and physical health. If we think practically, mostly people share the best experiences and episodes of their lives. I mean why would anyone talk about their failures or the mishappenings ? She goes on to say that, through social media people compare themselves all the time. And, that is true in fact. The frequency of comparison between us and the world has surged to a level, where we don’t spend even one day, appreciating ourselves for who we are.
We constantly compare ourselves, with successful people, who spend literally thousands on their health and hygiene, or we feel unhappy to see the people who are naturally blessed with pure and healthy skin and health.
We even feel jealous of our friends family members who are earning really well and are extremely accomplished in their lives. However, what we fail to see is that, all of this is just a “tip of an iceberg”. We never heard their failure stories or the struggles they went through to achieve all of that.
Or maybe, a friend who is living an extravagant life, might be suffering from depression or family issues. We never see all of that and I won’t say that it’s our fault either. However, our fault is excessive intake of such information and passing it to the brain, and consequently laying the foundation of stress and depression.
We need to realize that what we see, isn’t necessarily true, or even if it is true, we may never know, what other person went through to achieve all of that. Nevertheless, we can always appreciate ourselves and be grateful for what we have been given in our lives instead of comparing it with those, who have bigger and better.
2. It’s like consuming drugs
Now, something which you must already know is that, social media is designed to be addictive. It is designed in a way such that people spend more time on it. Think about it, the more time you spend on it, more money these companies are gonna make. Now, I won’t dive into the technicalities of it’s working, but that is exactly how things work behind the screens.
Professor Cal Newport, who also happens to be the author of the book Deep Work, mentions the fact that these organizations hire “Attention Engineers” who literally spend hours to educate themselves on hijacking people’s attention and directing it towards these social media sites. In 2017, more than 90% people in USA, aged 18 to 29, were using social media, and more than 50% of them, in some way fell victim to anxiety, stress, and depression.
“Human Beings crave novelty“. Now what I mean by this statement, is that we human beings are highly attracted by new things. We have this strange affinity towards newness, because of a funny neurotransmitter present within us, that goes by the name of “Dopamine“. It is like a feel-good or a pleasure causing hormone, which is also responsible for inducing motivation and encouragement within ourselves. However, excessive release of this hormone results in craving and addictions. For example, excessive amount of dopamine is released in the brain of a drug- addict which makes it almost unbearable for him to live without that particular drug. It is like an endless loop of feedback and response, that flows inside our body.
Now, when we use social media, each time we scroll and see a new post, we get a hit of dopamine in our brain. Moreover, each time someone likes or comments on our pictures, we feel dopamine rushing throughout our veins. This motivates us to perform a particular “dopamine releasing” activity again and again. Our brain literally starts seeking out dopamine inducing activities, and in failing to do so, we end up feeling dissatisfied or frustrated.
We virtually set a high dopamine bar in our mind, and any activity which is below that particular bar, renders us bored and irritated. For example, playing video games is high dopamine inducing activity, while reading a book is a low one. So, definitely in a phase of dilemma, you brain will naturally gravitate towards a task that releases high dopamine. Similarly, scrolling the Facebook feed is much more enjoyable than studying for an exam. Or posting pictures on Instagram is much easier than going out and actually interacting with people.
Social media has surely eradicated various boundaries. Now, it is much easier to make friends through social media, however, the problem is that these friends only exist behind a screen and not in real life. Although, some of you may have managed to make some really great and helpful friends through these platforms, nevertheless, you should never forget, the importance of real friends and genuine efforts, which can only be achieved in the real world.
3. Alters our brain’s potential
So basically, social media not only plays with our brain but also provides considerable amount of harm to it. As already explained, dopamine is induced each time we scroll and see a new picture or post, but to make things worse, every time we scroll we are increasing our brain’s sensitivity, by somehow training it to look out for a “dopamine inducing” thing or an activity every second. This decreases our attention span and by extension our focus on things. This is the reason why the youth today is unable to accomplish even the smallest goals in their lives. We need a chunk of focus and determination to achieve something which is hard to get. We are technically living in a distracted world. Every moment we are getting distracted by notifications, notices, e-mails, etc. All these factors combine to hamper our brain’s ability to concentrate on a particular task for a longer period of time. We are so exposed to these small bits of pleasures that we literally cannot afford to live without it, even for a day.
Furthermore, it wounds our memory as well. Has it ever happened to you, that you went into a room to grab something and all of a sudden forgot the purpose of your arrival ? Well, relax you aren’t forgetful, but the only problem is that your brain is so heavily crowded with information that it starts slipping things out when a new information is entered. Scores of people have found an improved memory power after giving themselves a social media break. In addition to that, our learning powers are also somewhat affected since on an average a person spends approximately five hours of their day on social media. This results in the reduction of body movements, and also worsen our sleep schedule, which ultimately tend to decrease our learning capacity.
4. Inability to think critically.
“Human beings are herd animals”. Well if it wasn’t for our two legs, we were no less than a sheep. We are designed in way such that we tend to follow and imitate each other. Allow me to explain.
The history goes back thousands of years ago when we were cave men. As a cave men our basic requirements were food, shelter, and protection from wild animals. As a result, our ancestors started living in tribes, since in this way there was a higher chance of receiving food, shelter, and safety from mammoths. Now to be a part of a tribe, they had to follow the action of other members. There were certain set of unofficial rules that existed within the families, which everyone had to follow, in order to prevent oneself from getting banished from the tribe. This system of following and imitating somehow got embedded in our DNA, and that is why, unconsciously, we still tend to follow it.
Let us take an example. In around 2011, Facebook had already established it’s ground in the western world, while in the eastern world it’s popularity was surging with every passing day. However, it was still a new concept to the people of Asian and African countries. Nevertheless, people were joining facebook at a very rapid rate. Meanwhile, there was some kind of social media war going on between Eminem fans and Justin Bieber fans. Obviously, the number of Stans ( Eminem Fans) was way more than Beliebers (Justin Bieber Fans), and as result a whole lot of Asian and African people who were new to such online wars, automatically gravitated towards Eminem. Now I’m not trying to honour one artist and degrade other, but that is exactly what happened in this entire scenario. A whole lot of people started despising Bieber without even having a knowledge of his work.
Similar things happen when it comes to criminal cases. In today’s world it is very easy for any news to spread and consequently with the freedom social media has to offer, anyone can express their views on the subject. People decide who is the victim and who is the offender before the judicial court does. As a result, in the eyes of public, sometimes offender becomes the victim and victim becomes offender. However, the lack of facts and information is not the concern. The concern is people’s inability to think critically and not landing on a conclusion based on facts and truths.
The reason we do this is because, we don’t want to feel left out. Our likings and dislikings completely rely on the approval of people around us. We do this to become a part of a community or a group, which consequently shapes our identity.
In the modern world our basic requirements have changed from food, shelter, and safety to approval, appreciation, and validation.
Youtube is a great platform to share our thoughts, receive information, and entertain ourselves. Unlike Netflix, it is free of cost and is available to us for an unlimited period of time. Youtube is a materialistic proof of the fact, that “Internet has made the world a smallerplace“. It certainly is a great platform for it’s users as well as for the creators who could easily, express themselves on this global platform. But, something that bothers some people, is the fact that despite the presence of so many benefits, people are not making the best use of such an avenue. Well, that is true in fact, since in spite of the availability of such immense amount of content and information, we are really not seizing what needs to be seized. What I mean to say is that instead of grabbing useful information we are spending more time on this application watching entertainment stuff like music videos, or football games (or Cat Videos, for people who are obsessed with cats).
Entertaining oneself once in a while is not a bad thing. As a matter of fact, watching comedy videos on YouTube can actually help us relive our stress and tension. However, problems begin to arise when we start spending more than enough time on giving ourselves these small treats of amusement and joy. Youtube’s algorithm is designed in a way, such that it compels a person to spend more time on it. Resultantly, it starts showing more videos of the type we usually watch. It tracks our likes, dislikes, searches, and duration of time spend on watching a particular kind of a video.
But, what if we spend our time on this amazing platform a bit more cautiously and efficiently such that we won’t become a slave of technology and at the same time gain some benefits out of it ? How can we make the best use of Youtube’s availability and access ?
In this article, we shall be discussing the categories of videos you must watch on YouTube, so as to make the best use of it, and ultimately gain some profit out of it.
1. Self improvement
Self improvement is a journey in itself. In our busy lifestyle we spend around two-third of our time either in front of a screen or doing things that require minimum toil. However, such enjoyable and relaxing life, can drastically affect our mental and physical health. Moreover, a lot of people in the 21st century complain about not having friends or a healthy environment around themselves. Furthermore, a lot many disgust themselves with the fact that they are unable to achieve their desired goals in life. Consequently, all these factors mingle to become a giant chunk of frustration and disappointments, especially amongst the youth.
Youtube is a great platform to polish our personality. There are many channels that guide people into doing things which can bring an enormous change in their lives. People can watch the self improvement videos, which can help them know more about the psychology and mentality of dealing with people in the outside world. They can also learn how to expand their social circle. Furthermore, it could help us change our approach towards the challenges, in which we were failing so far. In addition to that, certain self improvement videos can assist us in broadening our perspective and mindset towards people, family, and society. These videos can give you edge over other people and inculcate moral strength in your life. Eventually, these videos can help you reflect on yourself and your actions, which may change the course of your future.
2. Philosophy, Literature, and History.
Now I understand that using Youtube for the above written types may seem a little bit old fashioned to many of it’s users. However, I believe that there is no better platform to educate oneself with them, either. None of us are gonna leave our jobs and just sit at home reading the philosophies and literature of a particular era, nevertheless, we can always listen and enjoy them, while commuting or waiting in the line. But, the question arises, why should one do so? Why should we watch the videos related to the philosophy, literature, and history, when there are literally millions (or perhaps billions!) of other interesting videos out there ?
The answer is simple, such videos teach us a lot about ourselves and the people around. They vividly educate us about the origin of mankind, spirituality, creation and evolution, et cetera. They can inculcate discipline, morality, build our character, and finally help us gain control on our craves and desires. The works of Greek Philosophers like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle are strongly considered in the modern world. Moreover, Aurelius Marcus, the great Roman emperor, was a firm believer of philosophy.
Philosophy is a like an adopted son of Mother Science. Literature teaches us the lessons of life, and History teaches us about the mistakes and errors made by our ancestors that we need to avoid in our lives in order to make it better.
3. Exercise and Diet
I believe most of you must have already anticipated that this was coming. Well the fact of the matter is, any lifestyle article is probably meaningless without the acknowledgement of exercise and diet in it. When it comes to our health, right food and energetic movement of our muscles and bones is surely a necessary topic to discuss upon. All of us desire to attain a healthy and an active body, especially in the present era where proper exercise and healthy food is not only necessary for our physical health but also for our mental health.
According to WHO, in 2016, 39% of adults aged 18 years and over (39% of men and 40% of women) were overweight. Moreover, unhealthy diet contributes in reducing our immunity towards various diseases like multiple forms of cancer and cardiovascular problems.
Now, not everyone has a flexible schedule such that they could infuse time for gym or Yoga classes for themselves. Even if some people do have that amount of flexibility, they still refrain from getting a gym membership. So, what if we bring the gym at home ?
Well, there are plenty of channels on YouTube that are really reliable and constructive for our body. You can watch Yoga videos, and practise all sorts of breathing exercises which could relieve you of your stress. If you are interested in body building, you surely can follow channels that guide you into developing a wholesome diet and exercises you need to perform in order to achieve the body of your dreams. Good structure not only gives us an attractive look but also boosts the confidence within ourselves. Furthermore, you can subscribe to some cardio workout channels, which will definitely improve the internal working of your bodily systems, and consequently protect you from various chronic diseases.
4. Skills and Knowledge.
The importance of skills in our lives is not hidden from anyone. It is probably an indispensable factor that contributes in accomplishing the life of our choice. With so much information on the internet, anyone can pursue the skills they aspire to achieve. For example, if you wish to become good in playing Piano, there are sufficient channels on YouTube that can literally make you a perfect Pianist and that too free of cost. If you are intrigued by photography, there are myriad YouTubers that can help you hone your photography skills. Or, maybe if you wish to learn dancing, singing, or perhaps juggling, there will be a video for it on YouTube.
Also, you can learn cooking by watching various videos from the popular chefs in your country as well as in other countries. Furthermore, you can learn a new language, which is one of the most desirable requirements in companies today. In addition to that, you can acquire computer coding as your hobby. There are thousands of channels which are primarily concerned to prepare you for the coding skills you need to develop in order to shine in the eyes of any organization.
Having a skill not only makes you stand apart from the crowd but also helps you receive the boost of encouragement you need in your life. Also, if you work hard enough, you can start a business out of your skills and educate others in it. Think about it. So don’t waste your life and get on board with it as soon as possible.
5. News and Information
It is extremely crucial to know what is happening in your surroundings, and what is going on ( or perhaps “trending”) in the world during the present scenario. You definitely cannot afford to stay behind or feel left out in a conversation. It feels awkward when there is an active conversation going around, and you couldn’t contribute to it just because you don’t have enough facts and information to express yourself. Apart from that, being oblivious to our surroundings can actually be detrimental for us. We can become a victim of frauds, or can be easily brainwashed with the wrongful facts, or maybe while choosing a leader, we can be misguided into selecting a wrong one. With the presence of internet we can always check the facts for their credulity, and to add the cherry on top we can bless ourselves with the knowledge and the ability of critical thinking. Furthermore, you can educate yourself about finance and stock markets and learn to make a proper use of these money generating platforms. Moreover, we can aware ourselves of the geography and politics in our country so that we don’t fall into a pit of ignorance and oblivion.
There are ample YouTube channels that provide us with the ground reality of a particular place or person, free of cost. Anytime. Anywhere.
Apparently, there exists a very popular opinion amongst men that, women only choose Bad Guys, or the guys who don’t actually deserve them over Nice Guys, or the guys who truly deserve them. They believe that women choose to go for the guy who doesn’t care enough for them and doesn’t treat them like a princess. While on the other hand, they never choose someone like Nice Guys, whose heart is as pure as gold, and someone who would never ever hurt them.
But why do women do such thing ?
Here are a few reasons why women choose “Bad Guys” over “Nice Guys”.
1. There is nothing such as “Nice Guys” or “Bad Guys”
Yes ! You read that right. There is nothing such as “Nice Guys” or “Bad Guys”. There are just guys. These terminologies are basically invented by those people who failed in their attempts to woo a woman. These are nothing but an excuse or a reason for them to justify their failure. The guys who couldn’t manage to get a woman, one day decided to call themselves as “Nice Guys” and the one who managed to take away their lady was referred to as the “Bad Guy”.
The person whom we are referring as a the Bad Guy is basically none other than a general Guy, who was true to himself. I mean let’s face it, he is a man, he has got the same needs as you do. The only difference is that he is taking some actions in order to accomplish his goals, while on the other hand, you are locked inside your room, writing poems and love songs for her. All that may sound highly flattering, the thing is that it doesn’t work now. It’s 21st century people. Love letter and poems may give you desired results temporarily, but they are not going to work in the long term.
For the sake of convenience, I will keep on using the above mentioned terminologies for the rest of the article, however, it should be kept in mind that I don’t really believe in them ( and even you shouldn’t).
2. Nice Guys are fake
This is yet another interesting fact regarding the Nice Guys. They wear a mask of innocence and pretend to be someone they are not. Think about it, the Bad guys and the Nice Guys have same goals, that is to impress a woman, but Bad guys are really clear about their intentions. They don’t intend to hide it or fake it. Furthermore, they absolutely hate the “Friend-Zone” because the fact of the matter is that it is very difficult to pull oneself out of this zone, once you have entered it. This is the biggest mistake that most guys do. Accepting the hand of friendship is nothing but a “certificate of failure”. It means that you have failed in being a guy, who is different from others, and deserves to be a slave to her needs for the time she wants. This may come out a bit rude, but it is true.
Nice guys try all the things to make a lady happy. Nevertheless, the lady doesn’t seem to twitch. And, despite the relentless toil, the guy fails in his endeavors. The reason behind it is simple. This is what exactly every guy out there is doing. She doesn’t find you any different from other guys. You are doing exactly what 100 others are ready to do for her anytime. Furthermore, nice guys become their “Best Friends” (aka “Slave for life”), in the hope that one day she will realize how much they love her. Believe me, that day is never gonna come. So, unless you are waiting for a miracle to occur, try not to be fake.
Face your fears and if it doesn’t work out, let her go.
3. Nice guys are weak
So, technically, our nice guys do not even have the audacity to deny to a woman’s demand, no matter how impractical or foolish it is. They pretend to be “in love” with this woman, but in fact they are actually too afraid of losing her (which they are definitely going to , in the future). Furthermore, they act needy and clingy. They don’t disagree to any of her orders and fulfill it with full thrill, in the hope that their lady would one day look at the brighter side of the things and will fall in love with them, seeing how hard they work for her. The reality is, that these things practically never work. Woman like guys who project strength and courage. By strength I don’t mean the physical strength, but the strength where she finds herself secure. Woman don’t want a weak guy, who is himself direction less in life, and is always dependent on others to fulfill his needs.
Bad guys make sure that doesn’t happen with them. They project firmness and solidity from their characters. They are not afraid to lose any one woman because they know that there are plenty of woman out there, who are much better and are just waiting for someone like them. As already discussed, they don’t fall in the “Friend-Zone” trap. They are not easily agitated or angered, when a woman is trying to test them (which woman do a lot), and also they don’t easily feel jealous, since they know that if things don’t work out here, there are plenty of opportunities for them outside.
4. Nice guys are boring
Nice guys mostly use the conventional approach while pursuing a woman, like calling her all the time, being available for her whenever she needs, etc. All of which is a sign of being needy. Moreover, in all this, they forget to do a very important thing, and that is to make a woman happy.
Woman seek out a guy who is exciting and one who could do something thrilling. They want their man to take them into some kind of adventure. On the other hand, all nice guys can offer, is their love. Women do want attention, but not the kind of one which nice guys give them. In addition to that, nice guys are absolutely non polarizing. They do not have any opinions of their own. They simply just follow the instructions given to them, and like a sheep they simply follow the herd, unknown of the direction they are going towards.
On the other hand, our bad guys are super polarizing. They have their own views, experiences, and stories to share. They don’t easily deviate from their points of view and barely submit to a woman’s demand. Now this behavior may sound a bit selfish to some our viewers, but in reality this is quite an attractive feature. Women are more inclined towards the guys who are bit egocentric. This is because of two reasons, First reason is that, these people put themselves first before any other person which is a very smart thing to do in today’s world, and second they don’t give too much attention to just one woman. Because of such reasons, woman are somewhat more attracted towards our guys from the “Bad guy Club”.
5. Nice guys don’t have a life
Another harsh reality about nice guys is that, they don’t have a life. Their entire focus and concentration is probably directed towards impressing one woman. Moreover, they have zero level social life. Given the fact that they are so much into the woman, they barely give much attention on the other areas of their life.
On the other hand, our bad guys don’t live such one dimensional life where only one goal exists. Unlike the nice guys, their life goal is not just impressing women. Instead they are much more dedicated to their friends and family. Also they give attention on their own well being, which gives them a great outlook of life. They are energetic and generate positive vibes. They are fun to be around and are everyone’s favourite. Additionally, they may be extrovert sometimes, but they are definitely great people to hang out with. They don’t fear failures or expect successes. They just keep trying new things out until they see the desired results. They live their life to the fullest, without any regrets or excuses.
When a woman sees all these qualities, she finds it hard to resist herself from falling in love with this person. And this is how “Bad Guys” win at the game of love.
Moving on is not an easy task for anyone, especially if you are deeply in love with your partner. The pain of a heartbreak is absolutely insufferable. When things come to an end, it is a difficult period for both men as well as for women. However, it has been observed that very often women move on with their lives, marry someone new, or find a new partner way faster than their ex, meanwhile men dwell within the memories of their former partner for years.
So what all factors contribute in their moving on process and why men don’t know about them ?
Here are 4 reasons why women move on faster than men.
1. Plenty of Support
Now this is a well known fact, although many women will not agree with this, but the fact of the matter is that women have way too much support than men. Men usually have to deal with the sufferings of a breakup all by themselves. Though exceptions will always be there, however, it is rare to see someone come forward to a broken up guy and try to cheer him up for his loss. But, women have their girl friends and their guy friends who will always be there for them.
The reason for such predicament is because of the fact that our society is somewhat inclined towards helping women live a healthy life (which is completely fine), while men are considered to be strong and passionate, and resultantly not much attention is given to their well being.
We live in an unbiased society, yet somehow there is something very biased that exists in it. These things are usually unspoken because a large number of people are in support of women empowerment and feminism, which isn’t inappropriate. It is truly needed in some parts of our planet. However, the well being of men is equally important and shouldn’t be ignored on account of some preconceived notions. Everyone needs help and support and the service to mankind is what make us a true human being !
Service to mankind is service to God!
2. Easy to find a new partner
With this point, I don’t intend to demotivate any person reading this article, but the reality is that, after a breakup, women will have a great deal of potential suitors to pursue as compared to men. The reasons might be demographic, given the fact that in most places like office, college, or any other venue, the number of men is usually more than that of women, and moreover in the 21st century, for men having a woman by your side is more of a pride symbol instead of a love symbol. Additionally, the ratio of men : women in most workplaces is usually 3:1. Which means that for every 1 woman, there are 3 potential suitors. This clearly means that woman have way more choices than men and the sooner you accept that fact, the better it is. Moreover, single men try to hit on a woman, almost everywhere, and that is the reason why it is highly probable that she will find a new guy in just a few days, who will help them to forget their past life and live a new one like a queen.
A person usually doesn’t care about the emotions of their former partner once they have detached their feelings, and that is the harsh reality of life. Besides, women are way more adamant in their life decisions than men. They don’t easily deviate from their discretion. The only thing that could deviate their decision is their love and feelings for their partner. However, if they have somehow managed to disconnect themselves from those emotions as well, there is a high chance that she won’t give in, even if you plead a thousand times. And that’s just how they are !
3. Experience
So, technically the reality is that, women are much more mature than men when it comes to relationship and other relevant stuff. They are basically light-years ahead of us. They have a better experience, better understanding, and a far more better ability to deal with post Breakup traumas (in most cases, exceptions always exist). This might be because of the fact that, they have spent a substancial amount of time in their lives talking about love, feelings, intimacy, etc with their girl friends. On the other hand when men meet their “dudes” or “bros”, they usually end up talking about video games and “hot chicks”. Though, this may not be the case with everyone, however, it is true for most of us.
The other girls share their experiences, their stories, their journeys with each other, which unconsciously trains women to face these mishappenings, if it ever happens to them, in the future. Meanwhile, guys have no idea what to do after a breakup. They end up getting frustrated and become absolutely miserable to tolerate.
Men usually learn when they do the mistakes themselves, because no one ever, consciously or unconsciously, trains us for such things in life.
4. Opening up
Sharing our sorrows, talking about the problems, and spilling out our true self, can be really therapeutic after a breakup. It has been observed that, talking resolves almost 50 percent of the problems related to our mental health. Furthermore, talking and sharing make us more likeable and acceptable in the society.
But the problem with most men is that they usually do not let things out of themselves. Men are usually quite reserved about their feeling and do not easily express them on a public platform. They won’t open up even with their best friends, family, or a close relative. This makes situation even worse for them, considering the fact that they are already depressed and frustrated.
On the other hand, women are much better in expressing themselves and their emotions. They would even cry out, which even though may look a bit weird, but is actually really helpful in moving past our sorrows. Furthermore, they are much more resilient than men. So, it is not an inappropriate thing to say that women can very easily and effectively deal with the pain of breakup.
The pleasure of comfort is what every human being seeks out. We work all week long, day and night, so that one day we could live a life of comfort and satisfaction. While that is the case with most of us, many people in the 21st century, especially teenagers and young adults are living a life of utter comfort and pleasure already. However, the question is, that whether this comfort is actually going to take us anywhere in life ? And do we really need to step out of our comfort zone ?
To answer such questions here are 5 reasons why comfort will ruin your life.
1. Lack of exposure
When we tend to stay in a state of comfort, we are actually missing out on lots of opportunities to expose ourselves with in the outside world. The world is full of mesmerizing and fascinating things. Thousands of activities, millions of adventures, and billions of people. But, we instead decide to spend most of our lives residing within the boundaries of our comfort zone. We can get tons of experiences and exposure to the realities of the world. The ability to work hard and achieve something in life is what anyone can aspire, but stepping out of the easy boundaries and trying something new which involves a risk of some kind isn’t what everyone can dare.
Only the fittest one survives in the wild, while all the inferior species are going to either be consumed by the superior species or they are going to die of natural cause. So, now you have to decide whether you want to be an inferior specie or a superior one. And if you are really willing to be a superior specie, then you need to make yourself strong and intelligent, and the only way to do that is by stepping out in the wild.
2. No frame of reference
When we are facing a trouble in our life, we try our best to somehow get out of it. Since nothing in this world is permanent, so is the case with our troubles. When we successfully tackle those life disturbances, we are actually setting a “Frame of Reference” for our future self, such that, if those inconveniences occur again in our lives, we are prepared to face them, without fear and panic. These frame of references not only make us strong but they also act as an inspiration for other people.
However, people believe that stepping out of the comfort zone is only going to be a painful experience for them and so they decide not to. It’s great if you’re trying to live in the present and want to cherish every bit of it, but if we are not prepared for what’s coming for us, there is a high chance that we may not stay in this state of comfort for too long.
3. Inability to take decisions
Comfort can seriously harm our acumen. The human body is designed in such a way, that it changes it’s state according to the environment. Our brain reacts differently in various scenarios. Suppose you are walking down a dark street, late at night, then your brain will produce anxiety and fear. Or when you are hugging your partner, your brain will induce high amount of dopamine. This is how brain gets trained for various changes, and reacts accordingly. However, when we don’t train our brain, it may inadvertently react to a particular situation inappropriately, like taking a decision for future, which includes deciding our major for college, or deciding to buy which car.
Remember, your brain is not your friend ! It is like a wild animal. It cannot be tamed, but it can definitely be trained. And only we can give that training, but in order to do so, we need to put it in difficult situations, so as to see how it responds and reacts. This will train our mind to become more disciplined and accurate in landing on a particular decision.
4. Excessive monotony
Living in the comfort zone is like signing up for a life of excessive monotony. When we tend to breach the boundaries, we meet new people, new people have new stories, new experiences and new knowledge to share. Moreover, since human beings crave novelty, this is going to produce in them a sense of excitement and thrill. Most people will live a one dimensional life of excessive monotony rather than going out in wild and giving the life a new turn.
People will complain all the time, about not having a desired life and contemplating about all the things they want to have, but would never take an action to accomplish those ambitions in the fear of failure.
Had Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. decided to suffer things in life, or they apprehended the failure they might face, they world may not have known them the way they do today. They rather became an inspiration for the people around them and for the generations of people to come. Don’t be a part of the crowd, instead become a reason of it.
“Life isn’t what you have. It is what you make of it”
5. Unexplored Potential
When the engineers are testing the properties and characteristics of metals or non metals, they basically keep them under various conditions in order to see their response and explore it’s true potential in the field of engineering.
Similarly, if we wish to explore our true potential, we need to put ourselves in various situations in order to see our response to it .Only then we will be able to explore our real abilities and strengths.
However, if we will always be afraid to confront the challenging situations, there is a high chance that we are going to be oblivious to our actual powers all life long.
Remember, failures are the pillars of success. You may not learn much from your successes, but you will definitely learn a lot more from your failures, because they tell us about the areas we need to work on and plunge us into the hard work required to convert those failures into success. We get to know more about ourselves when we are going through a phase of failures rather than the phase of success.
Achieving the hardest goals of our life, in a systematic and an orderly manner, is what most of us desire. However, neither our school nor the society prepares us for the obstructions accompanying our ambitions. Nevertheless, scores of people have managed to achieve the impossible despite the presence of innumerable impedances. But the million dollar question is – How exactly do these people achieve their goals and can a normal person, like us, do that too?
Fortunately, the answer is yes! These people are human beings just like any of us, who just figured out the best ways to achieve success in their lives (not to exclude their relentless toil and perseverance).
Here we are going to discuss the 5 important strategies we all must follow, if we want to succeed in any of our endeavors.
1. Instead of the goals, focus on the system.
Almost all of us tend to focus more on our goal instead of crafting the path that leads us to it. Goals are like the destination we want to reach, while a system is the path to it. Mr. James Clear in his bestselling book Atomic Habits has very practically thrown light on this topic. He says that “Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the process that lead us to those results”.
Suppose the goal is to reduce our weight by the end of the year, then you should spend more time in thinking about the exercises and diet that will make you fit and healthy.
If you are involved in business, your goal might be to build a billion dollar empire . Then your system is how you test product ideas, hire employees, and run marketing campaigns.
Although, it should be noted that keeping our goal in mind is also important. Our goals set the direction in which we have to advance in order to achieve the desired changes we wish to see in our lives.uccessful and unsuccessful people have the same goals. Every student wants to be a topper of the class, every employee wants to be the best employee of themonth, every team wants to win the World Cup, however, only the best will find success in it’s endeavour. These cases form the foundation of the “Survivorship Bias”. Furthermore, all the above examples prove that, just setting the goals isn’t gonna fulfill our ambitions. Construction of a system, which is relevant to the goal is going to give us the desired output.
Successful and unsuccessful people have the same goals. Every student wants to be a topper of the class, every employee wants to be the best employee of themonth, every team wants to win the World Cup, however, only the best will find success in it’s endeavour. These cases form the foundation of the “Survivorship Bias”. Furthermore, all the above examples prove that, just setting the goals isn’t gonna fulfill our ambitions. Construction of a system, which is relevant to the goal is going to help us receive the desired output.
If you want to cut down a tree, you will first have to sharpen the axe. The sharpening of the axe is a part of our system, while cutting down the tree is our goal.
Achieving a goal is only going to provide a momentary change in your life. Let us assume your goal is to clean up a messy room. Once you have collected all your courage and motivation, you are going to somehow clean your room. However, if we somehow change our habits and don’t mess up the room and keep it tidy in the first place, then that system is going to be everlasting and much more satisfying.
So the next time, whenever you plan to chase any goal, try crafting out the system first.
2. Optimize the Environment
What if I tell you that you can very easily trick your brain into doing hard tasks at hand, just by optimizing the surrounding environment. In addition to that, you don’t even have to look out for motivation or encouragement by your will power.
Human beings are the most intelligent specie on this planet. We sense our ambience using sight, smell, sound, touch and taste. Also, it is estimated that we posses about eleven million sensory receptors out of which around ten million are just associated with our sight. So we are a lot more dependant on our eyes, than we can imagine. Given that fact, it won’t be inappropriate to say that our vision drives most of our brain’s motivation.
So if we can somehow, make our eyes see the things we want to do, but can’t due to the lack of motivation, we have a better chance of getting those tasks done. Let me illustrate this by an example. Suppose, you are driving, and you see a red light at the signal, your brain tells you to stop the car, until the signal turns green, which is an another indicator, guiding us to go forward. So what exactly is happening in this entire scenario?
The red light is a “cue” which our eyes capture. The eyes then send this signal to your brain, in response to which you stop. Your brain, after years of receiving such stimuli has associated “Red Light” with “STOP”.
“Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human behavior” says Mr. James Clear. In 1936, psychologist Kurt Lewin wrote a simple equation that makes a powerful statement: Behavior is a function of the Person in their Environment, or B = f (P,E).
So the next time, you want to spend more time on your guitar practise, keep it right in the middle of your living room where your eyes can see it. If you want to drink more water, keep a water bottle on your side table, or rather keep it on your working table. If you want to stay, keep your running shoes right under your bed or withing the range of your sight.
Be the architect of your own world !
3. Say No to “Multitasking”
In our busy world, where we have innumerable pending works at hand, we are sometimes intentionally or unintentionally driven towards multitasking. What we don’t realize is how brutally multitasking can damage out productivity.
The human brain’s design doesn’t comply with multitasking since it can only focus on one thing at a time. It not only harms our brain’s capability to to concentrate on things but also our efficiency and performance.
According to the researchers at the Stanford University, multitasking people have difficult in recalling and have lower IQ level than the people who avoid multitasking. Furthermore, a study was conducted in which a group of people who usually multitask and a group of people who barely multitask were summoned, and they were asked to perform certain activities like texting and writing at the same time. It was found out that multitaskers even failed at multitasking, while non-multitaskers performed way better than they did.
A simple way to understand is by considering that, if we have more tasks then we are going to make more mistakes and if we do more mistakes our brain will stop motivating us to do that task anymore. It kills the will of our body to perform. In addition to that, it has negative impact on our life as well. Studies have shown that people who usually multitask, tend to have low self esteem, and they are socially awkward. Furthermore, multitasking harms our cognitive skills and devours our time more than single tasking.
Unlike the computer system, our brain takes some time to switch from one task to another. We store the residual thoughts and it takes some time for these thoughts to drive away such that we can focus on the task at hand. It is recommended that there should be at least a gap of 10 minutes between two consecutive tasks.
So next time, you plan on accomplishing any piece of work, make sure that’s the only thing you’re making your brain do.
4. QUIT Social Media
Wait ! What ? You must be kidding right ? You want me to quit social media? Are you even in your senses ?
Well the above replies are amongst the most common ones that I receive, whenever I ask someone to quit social media. Honestly I have no aversion against these social platforms or it’s users. To be honest, just a year back I was a facebook addict myself, however, as soon as I entered into my self improvement journey, I realized that I was nothing but a slave in the hands of these billion dollar companies.
Social media is designed to be addictive. The more time you spend on them, the more money these companies are gonna make. While scrolling through any social media platform, dopamine, a chemical hormone responsible for pleasure, is induced in our body. This same hormone is released when we cuddle someone. Furthermore, it is also responsible for making us addictive. An extremely high amount of dopamine is induced in drug addicts. Cigarettes play an important role in the production of this hormone as well. So, consequently whatever thing helps our body to induce this chemical in high amounts, we become addicted to that entity.
We live in an extremely distracted world where all the resources are available in hand. These resources fragment our brain’s capability to concentrate on the things that require a deep thought process and concentration. Social media is one of that, so called, resource.
Additionally, it must be noted that our willpower is limited. With every task we do, some of our will power is consumed. The use of social media drinks a lot of it resulting in lack of motivation and the will to perform a hard job.
So, to sum it up, social media harms our ability to concentrate, our ability to empathize and our will to work hard towards achieving a goal.
5. Quantity > Quality
It doesn’t matter how you are performing a certain action, but instead how many times you are performing it. We lack motivation since we are looking out for the quality from our work, which is hard to achieve at the initial stages of any task which requires high amount of cognitive skills, like playing a violin or learning to drive a car. But, when we perform a certain action repetitively, the neurons in our brain start forming a bridge of connection. This connection keeps on getting stronger and better as we repeat that action.
If you and your friend are asked to click photographs, where your friend is asked to click just ONE quality photograph while you are asked to click twenty of them and then submit the best amongst them, there is a high chance that your best photograph is definitely going to better than the one of your friend.
When we repeat a certain action, we learn, strategize, fail, and then compensate which then finally hones our skills in that particular domain.
So, the next time, if you’re trying to perform a job and you find yourself demotivated soon enough, just remember with each trial, you are actually getting better.
Harsh Words 