So, the two of you, probably after a lots of consideration, decided to end things with each other.
You may have realized, that he or she may not be the best person to deserve your love and attention, and perhaps, the two of you don’t have any chemistry. Or maybe it’s still too early before you comprehend the entire scenario.
However, amidst all the chaos, your ex “made you an offer, you couldn’t refuse “ . The offer was to be “Just Friends” after the breakup.
Although, there is no number assigned to it, but if it is your first breakup, there is a high chance that you must have accepted this offer.
But was it the right thing to do ?? Let’s find out.
1. It’s worse than being “forever single”
Yes ! you heard that right . The fear of losing the person, you once loved, could be devastating. However, this fear can grope you from behind and impede your moving on process. You are basically standing in the middle of no where. You have blocked all your options and now you don’t have any ideas how to open new paths.
When you were single, you used to think independently, your brain wasn’t occupied with the thoughts of your ex, and logic used to be your sidekick. But, now everything seems to go downhill.
You’re worse than ever ! When you were in relationship with this person, you barely had any tormenting thoughts, but now even the idea of seeing this person go into the arms of someone new, keep you awake at night. (Check this out – How to deal with post Breakup insomnia ). This might be because of the fact, that you still haven’t disconnected your feelings with this person, and it’s quite understandable.
Disconnection of feelings is neither easy nor fast, but it becomes absolutely impossible to achieve, if you two are still “Friends”.
2. Hinders your “Growth”
Despite the pre existing convictions, breakups can be a great tool for the personal growth of an individual. They give us freedom from the monotony of relationship and revitalize our mindset. Moreover, they give enormous amount of energy to our will power. Though sometimes they can be a bit hard to deal with, but it definitely give us a great headstart towards the new chapters of our life. It proves that “Nothing is Permanent” and life doesn’t stop for anyone.
However, most of us refuse to see breakups with such perspective, and rather believe the preconceived notions that our society has fed us with. And, in that apprehension, we tend to believe, that the hand of friendship with our Ex is the only resort of such situation.
How to move on after a nasty Breakup?
3. You are stuck in some kind of “Virtual Relationship”
No two human beings can be same. Even the identical twins have different characters and mentality. So, unless you and your ex were from some other planet, there is a high chance that there would be a bundle of differences between you two as well. Therefore, it is believable that one of you will definitely move on faster than the other.
The possibilities are that, it is not going to be you, rather your ex will move on faster. This is because you signed up for the “Just Friends” contract with him/her, and consequently, landed yourself within the boundaries of a “Virtual Relationship”. Now, in accordance to this contract, your ex can fool around anywhere he/she wants, but you cannot, since your brain somehow still believes that the two of you are in some sort of relationship (and there is still some love left). Your conscious self knows that it’s not true, but somewhere deep within your subconscious self, you still believe that they are gonna come back and everything will just go back to the normal.
But, why does the two parts of our inner self don’t comply with each other ?
The answer is simple, it’s because you decided to be “Just Friends”.
4. You just can’t stop caring about them
Technically when two people break up, the two of them should not be liable to each other in any kind of way, however, the one who accepts the irrefusable offer of friendship, is usually the one to go through all kind of sufferings.
You will still allow them to criticize. They will still mistreat you in the same manner as they used to before the breakup. In the worst case scenario, you might have literally begged them to stay in your life, just to receive the same pain and the mistreatment. But for you, the fear of losing them is more important than your self respect, right ? Believe me, in most of the cases people don’t change, and we are not responsible to bring out the best in them, but we can definitely do that to ourselves. You have to stop caring about what they think of you. You will have to change the gears of your life and put them in the forward direction. Only then the chaos of your life will settle.
Wake up people ! Wake up !
5. A good harm to your “social life”
You two are apart, but not completely. Wherever you go, their thoughts follow you along. All your brain wants to do is, to think about them, to talk about them, and to be with them. But such one dimensional thought process could actually do a serious harm to your social life.
Even when you are with your friends trying to enjoy your life, your brain is constantly reminding you about the fear of not having them. You simply can’t imagine your life without their presence in it. This creates a disconnection in your social life. You are not completely yourself. You’re not the same person, you used to be.
On the other hand, your ex is dealing with the breakup, quite practically. They have already played the “Just Friends” card and now they are on a quest, looking for some other suitable partner. They know that if they fail, they always have you as your backup option.
You have to decide. It’s either this way or that way. So, either you two come back together and live your life as a couple, or live as complete strangers.
There is nothing such as “Just Friends”.
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